New Years Resolution

Of course I am going to make New Year Resolutions. What would a New Year be, without resolutions! Lose 30 pounds in on one week!

Happy New Year 2016, Y’all!

Happy New Year 2016

We made it!

It ain’t a joke entering a new year! I sat down, waiting for the clock to ring in mid-night, for the ball to drop, pondering about the uncertainty of entering a new year!

Particularly because, I was on the road, traveling out of state, away from my habitual residence, to join friends in welcoming the new year. I left Child of Mine behind, the second year in a row! I have to shamefully confess that, this is my second year, in a row, welcoming the New Year, away from Child of Mine, third out of the last four years

2013 – I was in Uganda, and welcomed the New Year with fellow Drinkers with a Running Problem, Kampala Hash House Harriers. On NYE, I went on a group run around Kampala City, thereafter hangout with the group, and at close to midnight, proceeded to Kololo hill to watch the fireworks.

2014 —I stayed home with Child of Mine, and we tossed to the new Year.

2015 — I went on a two-year run with Pocono Area Running Club, starting 23:00 on New Year Eve. The clock ticked mid-night —New Year’s Day, while alone the route. But I went back home that night and kissed a Happy New Year to COM!

2016 — I traveled to the Big Apple to join my Scandinavian friend, and his international group of friends in welcoming the New Year. I decided not to take COM with me, to give myself a break from “Being Mommy,” and a chance to “Be Doreen”. I left him with his cousins and grandmother, until the following night of New Year’s Day.

I made it safely into The City, in under two hours. I took a public commuter van into The City, for my sanity and safety —no worry about parking, falling asleep in traffic or getting stuck on the road. I slept the entire ride to The City, and woke up in time to hit the bright city lights, and right on time for the party!

Thankful for rich friends, who can afford $2M high rise apartments right above Port Authority bus terminal in Manhattan. Reminds me of my friend’s kids who used to cal me “Our Rich Auntie from the Hilton” [Story for another day]. I had a clear “Point of View” of the entire city, on the top @the35th. It looked good, a welcome escape from the hustle and bustle of the streets below, packed with New Yorkers and plenty of its tourists, trying to catch a glimpse of the ball dropping. [Oh! “The Ball” dropping! Oh the fireworks!].

Great night! Barilla pasta, and french bread; of Norwegian candy, and french champagne, of Norwegian cheese and middle eastern humus; all courtesy of my former Norwegian landlord in Oslo. An international night! With the Norwegian host, a Norwegian family, an American, a Chinese family, and a Dutch Italian pasta-making man [who made the pasta dinner], and this very Ugandan very American girl. Impressed that all the European men present said, they are the main cooks in the family!

The crowd was a pleasure! All intellectuals, and academics in universities and research institutions. We laughed, cracked joked, ate, drank, shared parts of ourselves, exchanged resolutions, and our confusions at the ‘disappearance’ of the Ball dropping and fireworks at the tick of New Year 2016!

I spent soundly throughout the night, with a beautiful view of The City, the harbor and the Hudson! I woke up, then went back to sleep, until I did not have to. Woke up, drank tea, shared our life trajectories, interrogated our insecurities and our hopes and dreams and commitments with the Dutchman, ate bread, drank more tea. Went for a New Year’s Day run in Central Park in the company of the flying Dutchman.

Back to our 35th, took a shower, went out to the grocery store and picked up a couple of ingredients for dinner. Made another pasta dinner, and tuna sauce and leftover champagne. Then it was time to head back to COM, onto the subway, the bus and Exit 302.

So, back to my resolutions

  1. Giving more gratitude to my family and friends
    i) My family, who love me regardless. I think, and I know, they love me unconditionally. Spoken or unspoken, they show me undying love. They don’t judge me, they don’t pressure me. They wait for me, to rise up, if I fall, and recuperate at my pace. They have outpouring love for Chid of Mine, steadfast love. I do not have to say it umpteen times, because they know I love them…as much as they love me…and I appreciate them. May 2016 be a year to see and enjoy the physical company of my family, more often.
    ii) My friends; I have the best friends in the world —one is Resting in Peace, around me! My friends, know me and appreciate me, regardless. I can call on them in an instant, and they will listen, and hold me down. They are the best the world could ever gift anybody. They inspire me, pump me up, remind me of the beauty of the life within me, and our shared friendships. They see the good in me, and remind me of my strength. They prompt me, knowingly or not, to hang on, hold on steadfast, and continue to pursue my best. May 2016 be the year filled with friendships. Hoping to see my friends in person this year.
  2. Understand Child of Mine (COM) much more. Continue working on being the best mother and father to this child. Work calmly and firmly with COM, listen as much as I speak to him. Support as much as I demand from him. Nurture as much as I suggest from him. Provide comfort and confidence as much as I teach him. Guide, as much as I learn from him. May 2016 also bring us another person into our lives —a partner and father figure for COM.
  3. Become Doreen, again. Do all the things I have always done to represent my brand. Lose the baggage — on my body, my mind, my head, and get back into my fit, healthy, fighter spirit again. Get back into winning and rising above all challenges. I am no stranger to this! Find the go-getter, creator and winning innovative Doreen.
    Keep an active on Social Media, communicating, learning, negotiating, and continuing to grow and thrive as a person and social being. Accepting the challenges of social media, challenge social relations and improve and grow my communication channels.
  4. Grateful, that social media has taught me not to take personal the differences of opinion, but negotiate my place and refine my views. I have become more accepting of difference of opinions and accepted alternative reactions, even when it is personal attacks against me or bitter responses against me. Social media is social living.
  5. Continue writing for fun, for meditation, for inspiration, to share, to relate to others, to learn, to teach and reach other. I hope to publish one or two writings in reputable fora. I hope to get back into writing for active citizenship of the African Diaspora and as a public intellectual.
  6. Focus on finding *meaning* in life, as a journey to *happiness*. 2015 gave reaffirmation that Emotional Intelligence/“Emotional Quotient,” is as important as “Intellectual Quotient,” or “Logic”. I felt vindicated by the social acknowledgement of “meaning” rather than just “happiness,” as key to a fulfilling life.
  7. I will keep treading the hard paths and staying the course. I will keep talking the hard talk, not shying away from it, irrespective of the audience. I will persevere, venture outside my comfort zone: commit to my social causes —of fundraising, building a brand; transforming my passion into my livelihood. I will bring my child with along with me, while we build a brand, to serve others, while also serving ourselves.
  8. Get back into the Dating Game. Intriguingly, 2016 started off with me in the “company of men”; the right kind of men, from the geographical zones I want to live. No! I am not running away; I am running into greatness. Never “actively searched,” but I am open to different avenues of finding love, real love and commitment. I want to date.
  9. Run four marathons in the year; three marathons will be fine. One marathon per season: winter, spring, summer and fall. If my finances will not allow me to sign up for one each season, at I will run a marathon on my own. I know I can wake up in the morning, and ran a marathon. But I hope to afford going out, and running with a group. I have identified four potential marathons, on my bucket list…two in my geographical location; one close to family [will need two air tickets] and will find another, possibly where another one of my family is located. Or another location without a need for a plane ticket or hotel accommodation.
  10. Finally, Give less Fcuks than POTUS gave 2015. With all the achievements on the economy, diplomacy, politics and social service, POTUS still got rotten eggs slammed at him, demeaned, undermined and belittled like a subhuman. So, rightly, he ran out of Fucks to give; haters gonna hate, and he just shook it off! Same here, I am plan to care less about failure, and more about trying again. I am going to pay less attention to disappointments, and devote more attention to rising up. I am going to devote less energy into self-criticisms, and more self-appraising. I am going to shut away the misgivings, misunderstandings, and under-appreciation. I will focus more on transformation, recovery, strength and achieving.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 Y’ALL!

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Trailing the Goodness In Facebook (T.G.I.F)

The weather is still good out here—between high 30s and mid 40s F. Still weather thanksgiving_Fotorsafe from “The Coming Anarchy” – white, cold, frozen and gloomy! But who knows how long it will last! After all, we are in the Northern Hemisphere, on the North East coast of the good US of A. Not too far from British weather!

In fact, child of mine assured me today that, the United States and Europe touch each other, some where; don’t ask me where he is learning his second grade geography! For what I know, tomorrow might snow, or rain, or sleet or fog, or whatever…it might just…

Dear winter, could you please wait a little longer? I thank you, in anticipation. But, as long as the snow comes before the month ends, we’ll be fine…or Santa’s sledge will have trouble getting to us!

Talking about “The Coming [winter] Anarchy,” I have learned the same about Facebook. Sometimes, it can be a mixed bag, of unintended anarchies!

See, I joined Facebook for the ease of connection with family and friends on Facebook, whenever I am unable to pick up a phone, send an email, text or snail mail [yeah, “snail mail” is so ‘90s!]. I enjoy the quick regular updates on family and friends scattered across the globe.

Through Facebook, I have reconnected with friends not seen or talked to in ages. I have added new Facebook friends, via friends, social networking, and other social media. Here, I make a distinction between “friends on Facebook” and “Facebook friends”. The latter are those I met and friended on Facebook, probably never met all in person. The former are/were my friends before Facebook.

Facebook also gives me a chance to ’smear’ the world with my opinions, my craziness, and my family life and routines. It allows me to participate in intellectualism, and to salvage the world from itself!

I call Facebook the real United Nations, besides HONY —Humans of New York. Facebook is the school of International Relations, Diplomacy and Conflict Resolution, equivalent to an IR class. Am I being overoptimistic, presumption or simplistic?

I tend to think that Facebook is a good representation of the real world we live in, with all its discomforts, disagreements, verbal fist-fights, verbal and visual artillery, along with inconvenient truths, facts, great love, laughter and enjoyment.

So, I have learned not to take postings from Facebook friends personal, unless they intentionally seek to denigrate me, character assassinate or ridicule me on a personal level. Even then, I make exceptions!

Like one of my Facebook friends, who has no decency to bite his tongue, even when interacting with me. He has called me scrambled egg brains, delusional, namby-pamby, befuddled, any name under the moon and stars, whenever my view do not please him. At times, he is outright impudent, callously attacking people who have not engaged him. Sometimes, he is plain evil, projecting his inflated sense of entitlement to opine at anything/one that crosses his eyes!

Yet, I have not unfriended him, nor will I. In fact, we have constant exchange of opinions, with plenty of disagreements, but lots of laughter, too. We engage each other’s FB posts, and tag each other in our posts. Beyond the disagreements, verbal fights and mutual disdain for some of opinions each posts, we enjoy learning from each other. We enjoy the unique outlook on life, each of us projects, and have places of mutual convergence, interests, concern for social issues, and love of knowledge.

cropped-img_6577-e14121594949072.jpgBut that is not a unique case. Some of my Facebook friends post pictures of white people, putting their bare naked ar$e against Obama’s face on TV! Or religious scriptures and writings lampooning the president, as America’s worst evil. Yet, I still have not unfriended, blocked or berated them. Others post excessively derogatory and generalizing remarks against muslims. I often counter them, by reminding them that I have muslim family and friends, whom I do not recognize from their character assassination. Most importantly, I remind them that we are all members of the same global society.

Still, I have not unfriended anyone on Facebook; “blocking” is the worst I have gone. And that is only four people —two for being a misogynist, another for called me names, and another for repeatedly calling all black folks indolent.

I do not have patience for folks posing as intellectuals, when they cannot cite an academic writing or socially researched piece of writing to justify their arguments. Perpetually pandering personal opinions as “observed facts,” grounded in popular stereotypes drawn from the media and society. I do not wish to entertain anyone who builds a clout by dispensing personal views as facts and truths!

I am absolutely fine with opinions at par with mine. My personal conviction is that, our views and knowledge are largely shaped by our personal experiences, social relations and life trajectories. I am comfortable with counter arguing, defending and justifying my position with evidence. I do not believe that any of us possess the penultimate argument nor hold monopoly over the truth.

On my part, my vested commitment to reading, learning, listening and social networking, have opened my mind to a wealth of knowledge, diverse views and experiences about life. I do not take personal, any back and forth exchanges we have on Facebook because in my opinion, they are responses to my views/opinions/arguments, not personal attacks against me.

So, I was caught off-guard when I learned, sometime last week, that a “Friend on Facebook” had unfriended me! I tried to tag her on a newspaper article published about her in the Uganda dailies, but her name did not come in my friend’s list. My initial reaction was, perhaps she was reorganizing her Facebook account or creating a new account, and forgot to add me back. So, I FB messaged her to ask, when she had unfriended me.

A few days later, she responded that she had unfriended me a year ago, to paraphrase:

“I could not stand the arguments we were having on FB."

Arguments? I was totally shocked, because I could not recall the arguments she was referring to. I did not even imagine, she could unfriend anyone whose views are contrary to her own!

She and I know each other from that not-so-square Cambridge, where we both attended school. As a celebrated “square” for scholarly rigor and intellectual stimulation, we both engaged in animated academic debates, not kissing up to each other. There were moments of discomfort, encountering strangers with opposing viewpoints, alien experience, hard talk and contradictions. Every engagement was not for the faint-hearted, but a battle ground for advancing one’s ideas. You had to be capable of taking in uncomfortable arguments, as well as stand by your own, similar to the everyday FB experience.

But, that’s life too! To each her/his own. No hard feelings toward her, nor anyone else “who got away” because they wanted to get out of the fire! For those who are still hanging out with me, I appreciate, knowing that we can still hangout together, probably for keeps. We will agree, disagree and agree to disagree; and that is how we roll in this world.

The only people surrounded by only their kind, or listening only to their type, are watching Faux News, listening to Lush Limbaugh Radio, breaking religious bread or fast together, and, as my mother told me, did not leave the hospital!

The rest of us will keep Trailing the Goodness of Facebook!

Happy Facebooking!

Of Course, You can be Elite and Poor!

There is a public perception that the poor or disposed cannot be elites, just like the rest of us. Or they cannot harbor elite aspirations. We are shocked by media images, showing refugees leaving their homes, walking in the middle of everywhere, with mobile smart phones in hand. OR watching satellite TV, while living in squalid camps . Some question, how refugees can wear makeup, or brand name clothes or shoes? As well, we are surprised that the poor and homeless sleeping on streets, own mobile phones, or ‘plenty’ of property!

Oprah Winfrey, the queen of High Society, added weight to this thinking, back in 2007, when she said that US inner-city schools kids only cared for iPods and sneakers [as opposed to children in South Africa, who value for education].

But, can’t being “Elite” and “Poor” be two peas in the same pod?

Here is the definition of Elite, according to my Mac Dictionary,

          • a group or class of people seen as having the greatest power and influence within a society, especially because of their wealth or privilege: the country's governing elite /the silent majority were looked down upon by the liberal elite.

By this definition, “privilege” comes to one via different avenues: education attainment, alma mater, residence, racial categorization, social circles or class, family background, gender, sexual orientation, and many more. The one I am most inclined to explore herein is “privilege through education”.

Education by attainment, grade completed or alma meter can ascribe elite status to a person, regardless of one’s social standing, or amount of money and wealth they possess, in a time period. Going to an Ivy League school already adorns one with privilege that can neither be denied nor wash off. One is plugged into a social circle that has “the greatest power and influence within a given society.” Often, “de créme de la créme”, who design the rules of engagement, decide what others should follow, design and invent all kinds of social material or cultural consumptions. They are the envy of those who might never have walked the same path of Ivy League status, and they wear the badge of “highest attainment” in society.

The emptiness of the pockets of an educated person at any time, does little to diminish her/his comparative privileged, or undermine the choices and options at our disposal. Education informs the jobs we pursue, the nature of employment we engage in and the salaries we accept. We even choose the neighborhoods we live in and the schools we scout for our children, informed by our education background. How we present ourselves in society, and who we interact with, is a symptom of our elitism.

While one may not be in good financial standing, at a time, have rich family, or grow up in underprivileged circumstances should not imply s/he has to present her/himself ruggedly or stop dreaming big. Yes, one can still aim for the iPhone, the big screen TV or the big purse. Education gives one the means, courage and networks to re-define oneself, on own terms. For instance, if one is trapped in undesirable circumstances, and ‘chooses’ to move to a new ‘safer’ location, guided by our privileged knowledge of the resources available, and the networks disposed to her/him.

So, why is society shocked when refugees, the homeless or poor seem to display elitism? Why are we shocked that the homeless desire the same things we do – a comfortable bed, healthy meal or a soothing drink? Can never fully forecast, predict or control how our lives [will] evolve? Anymore, anytime, can lose the security of income, home or social standing and become a pauper, yet still retain their elite ascription.

Don’t the poor and disposed belong to the “Educated Elite”, some with Ivy League degrees, only to “wake up one day on the wrong side of the bed?” That they aspire for an Ivy League education, a star on the Hall or Wall of Fame, and a seat not the board of the most prestigious football association or philanthropic organization? Once upon a time, they had the same privilege as we do, owned a home, belonged to a country or high class social circles, and will once again recreate those lives.

Pictures myself for a minute; I would imagine that, even without financial security, I would still have access to several resources for self-advancement or my children’s success. Without wealth, I could still enroll my child in academic and social programs that would enhance his own privilege. I could choose where to invest my money. I am privileged to value access to a mobile smartphone, and internet. Knowing how to write, blog, publish is a privilege of elitism.

If the poor desire sneakers and iPod, let them. Perhaps those material desires, like a first pair of hard-won sneakers, could be the beginning to many more. Better yet, their ticket out of the harsh conditions of their childhood, through hard work. Living their dreams in whatever form they maybe, could eventually transform their lives, and the lives of their immediate families, friends and the neighborhoods. By expanding their dreams [of owning [a] pair of sneaker[s] through hard earned money, their careers might in future become the building blocks for new sneaker shops in the “hood”.

Like Former NBA star, Devean George, who grew up in the hood. Recently, together with his former classmate, they are transforming his North Minneapolis “hood”, with affordable apartments, healthy food stores, children’s library, in a neighborhood where crime and violence ruled the days of his childhood. His childhood dream has turned into reality, and will transform education access, quality and attainment, eating and health habits, provide affordable safe housing and create employment for an entire community.

And maybe one day, the poor will start a journey of transformation into elitism. Because being poor and elite are not mutually exclusive.

In the Middle of Everywhere!

Have you ever felt stuck in the Middle of Everywhere?

In the Middle of Everywhere

In the Middle of Everywhere

Imagine for a minute that you are stuck in “space”. Let’s call that space, a basement. There is limited natural light, it is really cold in the Winter, floods with melting snow when Spring comes, hot in the Summer. For most part of the year, you cannot tell day or night, except by the hourly talk of your alarm clock or when your TV announces the news. Since you are in constant fear of missing your daybreak due to lack of sunlight, you have to keep some kind of artificial light on 24-hours. You decide, the lead light will be the cheapest.

Though, none of the solutions seems to work because you still feel stuck in a basement. You are losing yourself. You are losing your creativity, your energy, your imagination and your umph! Every idea you come up with, seems to evaporate right before you put it on paper. You really don’t know where you are headed. You go to bed everyday, with a promise to wake up and accomplish at least one goal per day. Yet, the energy dwindles from you half way into your goal of the day!

Stuck in the basement, you are losing your sense of direction. You are losing your confidence. You are losing your trust in miracles. You begin feeling that  life has given up on you, and connived against your flourishing and success. Yet, you cannot get back any time, minute or second that has gone by you.

The basement is swallowing your pride, as much as it is enhancing your bitterness. The basement is stimulating your delusion and destabilization more than your boosting your determination. The basement is where dreams no longer come true, where dreams die, dreams become confused, and entangled in mourning, regret, bouts of sadness and soul searching.

You want to get out of the basement. You vow to get out of the basement. You give yourself a timeframe to quit the basement. Yet you no longer seem to know how the paths to tread. Or perhaps you know, but the basement has eaten up your courage to get out. The only time you step out of the basement is for a cup of tea upstairs, or go for a run outside or to the bus stop. Or perhaps you are embarrassed to show your face to the world that has held you up, expecting a lot of you and from you. You would rather shut your face away from the world that expects high performance from you.

You are in the middle of everywhere, yet you are alone and lonely. You do not wanna be alone, yet alone is when you feel the most relaxed and humanized. What else is there to live for? The basement reminds you of all the responsibilities you have incurred in life. The knowledge you have and continue to amass, which needs to be put to use for yourself and those in your life. The basement reminds you to show it appreciation for shielding you from the wrath of the world, and give back to the world. The basement is where it all unfolds-folds-unfolds again. Yet, you cannot fold yourself up forever.

There is no noise in the basement, except for the occasional rotation of the extra fan, turned on when it is really cold, or the TV or clock at the top of the hour. The basement offers a huge place to breath ideas, recapture them before they disappear from your imagination, escaping your little fingers. Put them on paper, transport them into virtual reality, into other people’s spaces.

In the Middle of Everywhere is where your creativity should come back to life. Move out of the basement, hit the streets and never look back into the basement. You will be a giant, again, In the Middle of Everywhere….Everywhere but the basement!