New Years Resolution

Of course I am going to make New Year Resolutions. What would a New Year be, without resolutions! Lose 30 pounds in on one week!

Happy New Year 2016, Y’all!

Happy New Year 2016

We made it!

It ain’t a joke entering a new year! I sat down, waiting for the clock to ring in mid-night, for the ball to drop, pondering about the uncertainty of entering a new year!

Particularly because, I was on the road, traveling out of state, away from my habitual residence, to join friends in welcoming the new year. I left Child of Mine behind, the second year in a row! I have to shamefully confess that, this is my second year, in a row, welcoming the New Year, away from Child of Mine, third out of the last four years

2013 – I was in Uganda, and welcomed the New Year with fellow Drinkers with a Running Problem, Kampala Hash House Harriers. On NYE, I went on a group run around Kampala City, thereafter hangout with the group, and at close to midnight, proceeded to Kololo hill to watch the fireworks.

2014 —I stayed home with Child of Mine, and we tossed to the new Year.

2015 — I went on a two-year run with Pocono Area Running Club, starting 23:00 on New Year Eve. The clock ticked mid-night —New Year’s Day, while alone the route. But I went back home that night and kissed a Happy New Year to COM!

2016 — I traveled to the Big Apple to join my Scandinavian friend, and his international group of friends in welcoming the New Year. I decided not to take COM with me, to give myself a break from “Being Mommy,” and a chance to “Be Doreen”. I left him with his cousins and grandmother, until the following night of New Year’s Day.

I made it safely into The City, in under two hours. I took a public commuter van into The City, for my sanity and safety —no worry about parking, falling asleep in traffic or getting stuck on the road. I slept the entire ride to The City, and woke up in time to hit the bright city lights, and right on time for the party!

Thankful for rich friends, who can afford $2M high rise apartments right above Port Authority bus terminal in Manhattan. Reminds me of my friend’s kids who used to cal me “Our Rich Auntie from the Hilton” [Story for another day]. I had a clear “Point of View” of the entire city, on the top @the35th. It looked good, a welcome escape from the hustle and bustle of the streets below, packed with New Yorkers and plenty of its tourists, trying to catch a glimpse of the ball dropping. [Oh! “The Ball” dropping! Oh the fireworks!].

Great night! Barilla pasta, and french bread; of Norwegian candy, and french champagne, of Norwegian cheese and middle eastern humus; all courtesy of my former Norwegian landlord in Oslo. An international night! With the Norwegian host, a Norwegian family, an American, a Chinese family, and a Dutch Italian pasta-making man [who made the pasta dinner], and this very Ugandan very American girl. Impressed that all the European men present said, they are the main cooks in the family!

The crowd was a pleasure! All intellectuals, and academics in universities and research institutions. We laughed, cracked joked, ate, drank, shared parts of ourselves, exchanged resolutions, and our confusions at the ‘disappearance’ of the Ball dropping and fireworks at the tick of New Year 2016!

I spent soundly throughout the night, with a beautiful view of The City, the harbor and the Hudson! I woke up, then went back to sleep, until I did not have to. Woke up, drank tea, shared our life trajectories, interrogated our insecurities and our hopes and dreams and commitments with the Dutchman, ate bread, drank more tea. Went for a New Year’s Day run in Central Park in the company of the flying Dutchman.

Back to our 35th, took a shower, went out to the grocery store and picked up a couple of ingredients for dinner. Made another pasta dinner, and tuna sauce and leftover champagne. Then it was time to head back to COM, onto the subway, the bus and Exit 302.

So, back to my resolutions

  1. Giving more gratitude to my family and friends
    i) My family, who love me regardless. I think, and I know, they love me unconditionally. Spoken or unspoken, they show me undying love. They don’t judge me, they don’t pressure me. They wait for me, to rise up, if I fall, and recuperate at my pace. They have outpouring love for Chid of Mine, steadfast love. I do not have to say it umpteen times, because they know I love them…as much as they love me…and I appreciate them. May 2016 be a year to see and enjoy the physical company of my family, more often.
    ii) My friends; I have the best friends in the world —one is Resting in Peace, around me! My friends, know me and appreciate me, regardless. I can call on them in an instant, and they will listen, and hold me down. They are the best the world could ever gift anybody. They inspire me, pump me up, remind me of the beauty of the life within me, and our shared friendships. They see the good in me, and remind me of my strength. They prompt me, knowingly or not, to hang on, hold on steadfast, and continue to pursue my best. May 2016 be the year filled with friendships. Hoping to see my friends in person this year.
  2. Understand Child of Mine (COM) much more. Continue working on being the best mother and father to this child. Work calmly and firmly with COM, listen as much as I speak to him. Support as much as I demand from him. Nurture as much as I suggest from him. Provide comfort and confidence as much as I teach him. Guide, as much as I learn from him. May 2016 also bring us another person into our lives —a partner and father figure for COM.
  3. Become Doreen, again. Do all the things I have always done to represent my brand. Lose the baggage — on my body, my mind, my head, and get back into my fit, healthy, fighter spirit again. Get back into winning and rising above all challenges. I am no stranger to this! Find the go-getter, creator and winning innovative Doreen.
    Keep an active on Social Media, communicating, learning, negotiating, and continuing to grow and thrive as a person and social being. Accepting the challenges of social media, challenge social relations and improve and grow my communication channels.
  4. Grateful, that social media has taught me not to take personal the differences of opinion, but negotiate my place and refine my views. I have become more accepting of difference of opinions and accepted alternative reactions, even when it is personal attacks against me or bitter responses against me. Social media is social living.
  5. Continue writing for fun, for meditation, for inspiration, to share, to relate to others, to learn, to teach and reach other. I hope to publish one or two writings in reputable fora. I hope to get back into writing for active citizenship of the African Diaspora and as a public intellectual.
  6. Focus on finding *meaning* in life, as a journey to *happiness*. 2015 gave reaffirmation that Emotional Intelligence/“Emotional Quotient,” is as important as “Intellectual Quotient,” or “Logic”. I felt vindicated by the social acknowledgement of “meaning” rather than just “happiness,” as key to a fulfilling life.
  7. I will keep treading the hard paths and staying the course. I will keep talking the hard talk, not shying away from it, irrespective of the audience. I will persevere, venture outside my comfort zone: commit to my social causes —of fundraising, building a brand; transforming my passion into my livelihood. I will bring my child with along with me, while we build a brand, to serve others, while also serving ourselves.
  8. Get back into the Dating Game. Intriguingly, 2016 started off with me in the “company of men”; the right kind of men, from the geographical zones I want to live. No! I am not running away; I am running into greatness. Never “actively searched,” but I am open to different avenues of finding love, real love and commitment. I want to date.
  9. Run four marathons in the year; three marathons will be fine. One marathon per season: winter, spring, summer and fall. If my finances will not allow me to sign up for one each season, at I will run a marathon on my own. I know I can wake up in the morning, and ran a marathon. But I hope to afford going out, and running with a group. I have identified four potential marathons, on my bucket list…two in my geographical location; one close to family [will need two air tickets] and will find another, possibly where another one of my family is located. Or another location without a need for a plane ticket or hotel accommodation.
  10. Finally, Give less Fcuks than POTUS gave 2015. With all the achievements on the economy, diplomacy, politics and social service, POTUS still got rotten eggs slammed at him, demeaned, undermined and belittled like a subhuman. So, rightly, he ran out of Fucks to give; haters gonna hate, and he just shook it off! Same here, I am plan to care less about failure, and more about trying again. I am going to pay less attention to disappointments, and devote more attention to rising up. I am going to devote less energy into self-criticisms, and more self-appraising. I am going to shut away the misgivings, misunderstandings, and under-appreciation. I will focus more on transformation, recovery, strength and achieving.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 Y’ALL!

I am sad, but I am happy —Year-Long Musings

I am sad, but I’m happy IMG_2412
I am lost, but I’m found
I am soft, but I’m a hard shell
I stumble, but I don’t fall
This is my Year-Long Musings!

Another year, another 365 days going down. Plenty of soul-searching, reviews, pondering, and hope. What else would I have, if I did not have home?

I am feeling a little funky lately.
I have not been driving for a while. But I am back to driving.
I have also not drove the Mercedes August. But now it is back, and all mine. Well, hopefully!
The first day I got back to driving it last week, it brought me a little sadness. To the pile of sadness I have.

The Mercedes represents grandpa. It reminds me of grandpa. It replays the entire memory of the life I knew of him, especially this year.
It reminds me of witnessing the pain and agony of his life, straight up, in the same house.
I had never been in the same space, up-close, with a person so sick.
Yet feeling inadequate to help. Often feeling, it is not your place to show great care and concern.
Not sure whether I would be construed as “overstepping the boundaries” or “crossing the line.”

But I wonder, how could somebody ail so much! Yet not get well to enjoy life after that gruesome pain?
How could one go down too fast? It seemed it all came and went down too fast!
How could one hurt so much, yet remain strong for others, for those he loved?
He surely kept on taking care of those he loved — his wife, his children, his in-laws and his grandchildren.

I particularly recall him seated in the living room, groaning with so much pain in the abdomen. Especially, whenever he tried to get up.
He loved driving, to the mosque, to the store, to take school kids to school, to take his wife to work in the morning or to take his family on long trips.
But getting up to go drive, was the climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro.

Throughout the ailment, he drove on other family trips: to Detroit and back to PA, down to Atlanta and back, to Toronto and back.
I recall so vividly his last long drive, a 500 miles roundtrip PA-MD-PA, while trying to contain excruciating pain.
He avoided eating, and barely drank, the entire trip. He did not want to have to get up and go to bathroom; it was too much hardship.
Yet, he stayed steady on the wheel, without a single incident. He did not knock off the steering wheel, and only took very brief rest stops

So, with such display of stamina and resilience, how could he not live through his ailment to full recovery? I still wonder!
Because, his strength did not burn out.
He often woke up in the wee hours of the morning, drove wifey to the NYC bus terminal in our PA-hood.
He drove two girls from their Muslim community to and from their school bus.
Because their mother, worked early and long hours, and left and returned home before and after school bus hours.
I watched how he splashed his grandkids and children in-law, with love and adoration.
But he is gone. It is three months later!

But that is not the central feature of my sadness. Though, it struck me as well.
I am sad, as the year draws to a close. Reflecting on what has transpired.
How much gained, how much lost. Of course, plenty gained —especially in the weight department!
I see me in my “new mother suit” again. And that makes me sad, and induce me to create more sadness.
It has to go, I cannot keep it around in 2016.
Can’t support it no more! Big is not always desirable.
But I will take big pockets, and big bank accounts!

Big, I will embrace, to rise again. Big dreams, to become big reality.
Big smile, big achievements. Big social networks. Big alliances
Yeah, I will even take a bigger contribution to the carbon footprint, then settle back into my “tree-hugger-ness”
I want to fly by, be big, celebrate big and sleep big.

I’ll take all that will keep me happy, I need big happiness of mind, body and soul.
I need the positive energies that come along with big feelings and big achievements.
I need my big confidence to rise and shine through again.

I miss my big old-self!
Santa baby, I want my big happy self back
I want a sing a new song
That, I am happy more than sad
I am not sad, but I am happy!

Minus 20lbs: Days Six, Seven, Eight, Nine & Ten

Day Six and Seven: Saturday, October 24 and Sunday, October 25, 2015

This weekend was my bridge to the start of my Master Cleanse. So, I might have engaged the “Cheat Shit” a little bit more. Well, my excuse [and I should really put those to rest], “I still took juices and liquids, no solids and no hard carbs.” I made a smoothies for child and I, with grapefruit, apples, blueberries, pineapples with mango juice and water. I still drunk plenty of water with lemon and tea….StrApPineBerries Smoothie

I made child pancakes, made him meals with chicken, avocado, yams and watched him eat. I love avocado so much that I failed to control myself, so I made avocado puree for myself. I had a cup of almond milk for dinner.

The weekend went well! I had to skip the “Open Day” celebrations at my local gym because there was food involved. I did not wanna get tempted to eat. Though my stomach is also scared of starting to consume heavy meals, after a while without solid food. Last time I checked, I was 2 lbs more than I had been Friday.

Day Eight: Monday, October 26, 2015

This is the second week of my “Diet to Body Cleansing” period. It is also my first day of the Master Cleanse, which I am planning to do for a couple of days. Hopefully, I will get through. I want to get through with it. I want to do it for me. I know I have strong stamina, the courage to succeed, withstand so much temptation.

I want to re-learn to control myself from eating. There is a lot of food temptation. There is so much easy food I could eat. I am putting off dates, cranberries, avocado, oranges, yams, potatoes, popcorn, veggie burgers, chocolate. I am also putting off drinking any hot cocoa. I am putting off everything.

Today, was all about 24 ounces of mixed freshly squeezed lemon juice, cayenne pepper, maple syrup grade B and lukewarm water early morning. Nothing in the day, and then another 24 ounces of the same in the afternoon, as Child was having dinner. I had another 18 ounces of warm water without the mixture.

I forgot and used very warm water for mixing, which is not a good idea because, as they say, it ruins the enzymes. I also forgot and kept the other half of lemon in the fridge. Once again, not a good idea, because the cold in the fridge kills the enzymes in the lemon. So, I hope I remember to keep the halves out on the shelf.

The day did not go very well. I wonder, if it had to do with the family news broadcasted to me this weekend, or too much hunger! I stayed to myself. My energy was so down the entire day, until I went to Child’s Tang Soo Do, and draggingly spoke to momma-friend.

Fortunately, I was able to get through with the day, and stayed clear of any temptation to touch anything outside the regimen. Not even a taste of apple source, when child was eating!

Day Nine: Tuesday, October 27, 2015

This was my first morning of the Sea Salt Water Flush, the yuckiest part of this Master Cleanse. It does not taste pretty, at all! 32 ounces of this dreadful drinkup! But I have to do it, to flush out the impurities that stay after the Master Cleanse goes to manufacture energies for the body.

But, it works the magic. In fact, I hear sporadic stomach growling during the day, because of the salt still infused in my body. Though, I did not have the recommended sea salt – non-iodized. So, I am gonna head to the store and get me some.

After the sea salt flush, I had my first Master Cleanse mixture, as recommended, which also helped flush out more. Instead of doing many glasses of the Master Cleanse, I am drinking warm water with lemon. First, I do not want to buy too much Maple Syrup Grade B because it is so expensive. Two, I do not really like the master cleanse, either. It does not taste too good.

I am gonna buy some laxative teas as well, to smooth up the stomach.

Perhaps the easiest day so far! Temptation to eat attacked me a few times, but hunger was very far from my stomach! In fact, the least temptations to eat I have had so far. Yet, my kitchen had avocado, boiled eggs, oat cereal, apple sauce, all the things I would tempted to have. But, all I did was be a good mother, and left the yummy eats to him.

I got the non-iodized sea salt, thankfully. Just hit me, I forgot to buy any laxative teas. But I had the non-caffeine lemon-ginger tea. Hopefully, that too is acceptable. I had another Master Cleanse mixture in the evening after Child came back from school, while he ate his dinner.

After Tang Soo Do class, I gave child an Icy, and he tempted me to taste, to which I swiped my tongue. Well, I didn’t have the courage to tell him once again, in the same day that, I am body cleansing. But that’s all the temptation I succumbed to for the day. I drank my 25 ounces of warm water for the day. It was a great day!

Just to recap, I am Body Cleansing to lose weight, while detoxing my body of all the nastiness I have subjected it for the last three years! I want to wear my clothes the way I used to. I want to look at myself and see my previous body. I want to run with the body I know. I want to feel myself again. I slide down the scale one less pound. I still have plenty to go, from the way my clothes fit.

Day Ten: Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Still going strong. Did my Sea Salt Flush this morning. The yuckiest drink, EVER! Seems I did not add enough salt. So, I gotta top it up tomorrow, I guess. Or, could it be, there is not so much to flush out.

So, I immediately followed it with Master Cleanse, to pump up the Flush. It worked; I guess! I sat on our “unPort-a-Jones” for a while…and did some releasing.

Quite a tempting day, I must say. Had to gulp down two extra 26 ounces of warm water with caffeine-free additives, because I was near tempted to eat. Especially when child came back with an unfinished Black Bean burger from school. Typically, I would eat his leftovers, instead of disposing it over. I do not waste food; I detest wasting food. But I resisted it this time, and simply packed it and put it in the freezer for later consumption.

I did not have any of the smoothie I made child for breakfast: strawberries, blueberries, apples and pineapple. I love fruits, but I cannot imagine I am holding myself back. Seems to be paying off.

My last consumption was another 24 Ounces of Master Cleanse, while Child was eating his snack or special treat of Chocolate Ice…Non-GMO, of course. This time, he did not offer me to taste, and I was ok with that.

I did not weigh in yesterday. It totally feels different to go to bed feeling less bulky, although my clothes are not there yet. I can feel the fitting. But I know, we will get here; sometime soon! And hopefully, stay there, this time. I do not wanna pack on this load, again.

Minus 20lbs: Day Four and Five

Day Four: Thursday, October 22, 2015

So far, Day Four has been the easiest day of the “Master Cleanse” preparation. I felt really good the entire day. I did not dry out like the last three days. And I accomplished my mission, to stay away from solids.

I woke up in the morning and had 25 ounces of lemon water, I made carrot juice from scratch and had that for lunch. At night, I had apple cider tea [not the apple cider, but the tea spiced with apple cider, which does not contain sugar].

That’s pretty much it.

I prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner for child. He did not go to school because he hurt his knee. So, I sat with him, as he eat pancakes for breakfast, plus papaya, my favorite fruit, all for himself. For lunch, I gave him the leftover from Mac & Cheese mixed with tuna and shrooms [of course I had to give him, the “usual rap about, “The nutritional benefits of eating shroomies”, with all the vitamins, especially Vitamin D, low calories, low sodium content, and high fibre, that he very much needs for his constitutional. For dinner, I gave him a piece of the Sorghum bread that I made, with veggie soup. He eat and loved all of it! I had a taste of the veggie water.

 

Day Five: Friday, October 23, 2015
Today is Day Five, but a mixed bag. I had to drive to Washington, DC and back. So, I strayed away from my no additives commitment. I drunk coffee – Black no sugar no cream from a coffee dispenser. I was starting to dose off on my drive, so I needed something to rejuvenate me.

I might have binged on sugar, with a cup of hot chocolate, while meeting a friend in Wash/DC. I did not turn it down. It did not have too much sugar, but since I had my freshly squeezed apple juice that I made the previous day, had more sugar.

I am kind of drinking out my fruits and veggies, because I do not want them to go back, while I am on “the Cleanse”, starting on Monday. The good news is, I think it is gonna be super easy…I will tell you why….And I might be able to regain my weight…

Life is about to change, so I hope. I might not have to cook for anyone for a while longer! That my speed up the process of getting back in my skin. Oh! I got home in the night and had a cup of Almond Milk with non-caffeinated natural cocoa beverage.

Again, just liquids, so I told myself. In fact, I was so proud that I resisted the temptation of eating while out of town. Not even a veggie soup! Which probably helped me stay away and alive to drive back in record time.

Follow Your Body and Pace, Not Your Garmin

SteamtownWhile plenty of running apps guide you on how to run a marathon, how to achieve your target finish time, the target pace, average speed, and all sundry, the best advice I have received is “Follow your pace and your body, not your Garmin.”

Not from Garmin, but a buddy, with whom I ran my first marathon. After a couple of marathons, I now know more than ever what he meant. For, I have paid the price each time I did not take his words seriously.

Sometimes I have listened too much to the running app instead of my body. Yet running apps lie, lie and lie! Those moments their GPS locator fails! It did not occur to me [stupid as it sounds] that running apps timing is based on GPS availability!

Well, I had never paid serious attention, until that sweet-bitter race! My finish time was totally different from the official marathon finish time, I learned that my running app did not correctly record the time, in plac
es it was MIA! It just continued on from where it had stopped recording.

Sometimes, I listen to the paces of fellow runners, and either follow, maintain my pace or slow down. This could either be both a good and bad for achieving my race goal.

A week and a-half ago, I did my second marathon of this year, after Boston in April. For this last marathon, it was a great idea to strike a balance between holding back and following “the crowds”. For most the run, I decided my own pace; oh I take that back, MapMyFitness [and sometimes RunKeeper] decided my pace.

Then and again, I tagged onto a runner or a group of runners. About three miles to finish, I found myself a pacesetter who pulled me along to finish. If she did not come along when she did, I would have slowed down, especially at Mile 25. I did not expect that nasty hill near the finish. Let me just say, from mile 23, it was all uphill. But she was still running as fit as a fiddle, and had done this race before.Pacesetter

So, I just tagged along, and that helped me conquer the steep hills. In fact, she saved me from a would-be shocking terrible finish. I had no idea, my apps were not telling me correct timing! I was holding back, thinking I am running faster than my target pace. All wrong!

I know that going too fast can also be detrimental to a good finish. Boston 2015 comes to mind. I had a great time, running out there with lots of cheers, the weather was not too bad and my legs felt in the best shape ever. I was not listening too much to my running app, but my body.

But for the last six miles, particularly the last three miles, I experienced the most difficulty, staying the course. Plenty of times, I wanted to quit and walk. It was gruesome climb after climb. The course is a pain in the butt, plus the wind velocity of the day. Damn! It beat me so bad. But I am proud because I had great pace/mileage.

For my next marathon, I plan follow my body and legs more than my Garmin. Yes, I am going to invest in a Garmin again! You know, ever since I started running with my phone [which is kind of for security purposes] I put off buying another Garmin after my previous one broke. I thought, running apps work as good as a Garmin.

But there’s no better GPS technology than a Garmin to locate you, while mobile network provider sleeps off. Implying, the “security phone” is actually not secure the entire course. Your mobile network provider might not rescue you, if you run off in the thicket of the forest!

Above all, remember to have fun running a marathon, color your hair, read the placards and give a power touch whenever a spectator asks for one. High 5 the kids, stretching their hand out to cheer you on along the course. Respond with a “Thank You” to the spectators as much as possible. It means a lot to acknowledge those who have foregone their sleep, standing out in the freaking cold, the heat or pollen to fuel you up.

Next up, Chic-Town?Pacesetter too

Minus 20 lbs – Chronology – Day Two and Day Three

Day Two – Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Today was very hard for me, especially the morning period. I dosed off, while helping out in a special-ed classroom. Yes, with kids, doing kids activities. I am not a morning person I wonder, if the hunger caused it, or the lack of enough sleep hours during the night. I am not a morning person, running is my wake up drug. Tea and warm water helps, sometimes, somehow!

Sadly, I forgot my lemon and ginger warm water in the car that dropped me off. Had to suck it up, until after 11:00, when I went to the neighborhood convenience store to buy a Large Lemon Tea [with drop-ins], no sugar, no extra additives! It served me well.

The afternoon was not too bad; I held my own much better. Still, I was so weak, but thankfully, less sleepy. But elsewhere, crap happened. Got home and binged on water and ginger. I should add lemon tomorrow, since I bought plenty today. Or, should I still keep them for my “Master Cleanse” starting next week?

My “Cheat Shit” today had Apple juice, homemade by yours truly, from the neighbor’s apples [NON GMO, locally grown]. Be happy, I diluted it with a full 8 ouches of water. Apple Sauce (Homemade)
Had a taste of COM’s veggie soup for dinner. Just the water in the soup, and only tongue- not teeth-tasting.Nothing of those yummy veggies. Ok, maybe I chewed a tiny weeny, but did not swallow, like a real Californian!

Good reassuring news? This morning, I weighed 13*lbs +change. In the evening, the scale gave me -2 lbs+change [we can believe in]. Could it be true that I am shedding off so fast? How can it be! Does this mean, everyday, I consume 3 lbs of food?! Very scared! So so scared of this American life, of food and big people everywhere!

Still, my body has valleys and hills and curves. My face, neck and stomach are still hosting plenty of meat. My bum bum is not in Klass. Still have at least 10lbs to go.

Day Three – Wednesday, October 21, 2015

I woke up feeling hungry, very hungry. Half the day is gone, and I have still withstood the eating temptation. I had 23 ounces of water in the morning. I had another 23 ounce this afternoon. Now I am gonna make cookies for COM. Oh on!

I didn’t make cookies, but I made munch bars (with shredded coconut, oats, wheat bran, almonds, marshmallows, butter, vanilla extra and a couple of other ingredients). Oh! The pain and agony of not being able to taste! You better believe, I did not even try to taste the mixture of all ingredients. Agony, indeed! As I do not even know, how and if they came out good?

Then I made Sorghum bread, with Rice flour, potato flour and a little corn starch (instead of tapioca), eggs, cinnamon, raisins. Quite frankly, both were total concoctions of ingredients. I am not sure how this came out either. I will let child tell me tomorrow, when he tastes.

Cheat Shit
Half a little cup of almond Milk. Then I rinse with water COM smoothie container and apple sauce bottle for breakfast with water, and drank the residues.
Technically, though, I am not cheating per “Master Cleanse” directions. The body needs to be prepared for the fast, with a week with soups or fruit drinks. So, perhaps that is in order. Hopefully, that’s all the cheating I’ll do.

Oh well, I cheated again! Child did not drink the smoothie I made him for school because, “he ran out of time.” Talking too much, I know…what it is….

Fasting is the worst form of cruelty to animals! You don’t agree with me? Try crossing a hungry lion, and tell me, if all will end pretty.

I am into my Third Day of the < 20 lbs fast, and it is plenty of pain and agony. I am definitely low, on sugar, low on energy and low on tolerance. I don’t wanna talk at all, but I have to because it is not all about me [didn’t I tell you, I ceased to be about me?].

I put myself in “Running Exile”, after the marathon 10 days ago. Nor have I been working out, except long walks and yoga at home. Perhaps I should put in a couple of more workouts; even if it’s just yoga. It might help me feel better, because I need to get busy with something else besides thinking about not eating.

I am still drinking primarily water, beside my “cheat shit”. I served COM dinner tonight: sausage, cabbage and avocado, the latter two are on my “fav list”. But I did not taste, not even taste the salt!

This punishment is killing me softly. But I need to do this for myself because I have abused my body so badly. I need to take off these extra luggage, disfiguring my mind, body and soul.

I read somewhere today that, “Nobody wants it more than yourself.” If I want it, I gotta make it happen.”
Yes, I do want it….and I want it so badly!

But it is just three days of a long haul! I hope I can make it through this week, then start off my Master Cleanse next week. That aint gonna be easy, either. I dread thinking about the “Sea-salt wash”, the yuckiest concoction I ever consumed! I am not sure, if I can do it for all the weeks [I am not gonna tell you how many weeks I am doing the fast], but I will try.

Hopefully, all this starvation will be worth it…and I can keep up afterwards. It is all about self-control. I hope I will control my eating, and throw away food when I have to, or my head will agree to freeze it [even though I do not like freezing my cooked meals so much].

But, I want to fall in love with the body I run in, again. I want to feel myself, not a tired cow, a frumpy country mom or thunder thighs I want to bring my body I want to fit perfectly into my clothes, without a concern for the front and back bumps.

Anyway, time to move my brain elsewhere, away from mourning over food.

Adios Day Three