Day Two – Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Today was very hard for me, especially the morning period. I dosed off, while helping out in a special-ed classroom. Yes, with kids, doing kids activities. I am not a morning person I wonder, if the hunger caused it, or the lack of enough sleep hours during the night. I am not a morning person, running is my wake up drug. Tea and warm water helps, sometimes, somehow!
Sadly, I forgot my lemon and ginger warm water in the car that dropped me off. Had to suck it up, until after 11:00, when I went to the neighborhood convenience store to buy a Large Lemon Tea [with drop-ins], no sugar, no extra additives! It served me well.
The afternoon was not too bad; I held my own much better. Still, I was so weak, but thankfully, less sleepy. But elsewhere, crap happened. Got home and binged on water and ginger. I should add lemon tomorrow, since I bought plenty today. Or, should I still keep them for my “Master Cleanse” starting next week?
My “Cheat Shit” today had Apple juice, homemade by yours truly, from the neighbor’s apples [NON GMO, locally grown]. Be happy, I diluted it with a full 8 ouches of water.
Had a taste of COM’s veggie soup for dinner. Just the water in the soup, and only tongue- not teeth-tasting.Nothing of those yummy veggies. Ok, maybe I chewed a tiny weeny, but did not swallow, like a real Californian!
Good reassuring news? This morning, I weighed 13*lbs +change. In the evening, the scale gave me -2 lbs+change [we can believe in]. Could it be true that I am shedding off so fast? How can it be! Does this mean, everyday, I consume 3 lbs of food?! Very scared! So so scared of this American life, of food and big people everywhere!
Still, my body has valleys and hills and curves. My face, neck and stomach are still hosting plenty of meat. My bum bum is not in Klass. Still have at least 10lbs to go.
Day Three – Wednesday, October 21, 2015
I woke up feeling hungry, very hungry. Half the day is gone, and I have still withstood the eating temptation. I had 23 ounces of water in the morning. I had another 23 ounce this afternoon. Now I am gonna make cookies for COM. Oh on!
I didn’t make cookies, but I made munch bars (with shredded coconut, oats, wheat bran, almonds, marshmallows, butter, vanilla extra and a couple of other ingredients). Oh! The pain and agony of not being able to taste! You better believe, I did not even try to taste the mixture of all ingredients. Agony, indeed! As I do not even know, how and if they came out good?
Then I made Sorghum bread, with Rice flour, potato flour and a little corn starch (instead of tapioca), eggs, cinnamon, raisins. Quite frankly, both were total concoctions of ingredients. I am not sure how this came out either. I will let child tell me tomorrow, when he tastes.
Half a little cup of almond Milk. Then I rinse with water COM smoothie container and apple sauce bottle for breakfast with water, and drank the residues.
Technically, though, I am not cheating per “Master Cleanse” directions. The body needs to be prepared for the fast, with a week with soups or fruit drinks. So, perhaps that is in order. Hopefully, that’s all the cheating I’ll do.
Oh well, I cheated again! Child did not drink the smoothie I made him for school because, “he ran out of time.” Talking too much, I know…what it is….
Fasting is the worst form of cruelty to animals! You don’t agree with me? Try crossing a hungry lion, and tell me, if all will end pretty.
I am into my Third Day of the < 20 lbs fast, and it is plenty of pain and agony. I am definitely low, on sugar, low on energy and low on tolerance. I don’t wanna talk at all, but I have to because it is not all about me [didn’t I tell you, I ceased to be about me?].
I put myself in “Running Exile”, after the marathon 10 days ago. Nor have I been working out, except long walks and yoga at home. Perhaps I should put in a couple of more workouts; even if it’s just yoga. It might help me feel better, because I need to get busy with something else besides thinking about not eating.
I am still drinking primarily water, beside my “cheat shit”. I served COM dinner tonight: sausage, cabbage and avocado, the latter two are on my “fav list”. But I did not taste, not even taste the salt!
This punishment is killing me softly. But I need to do this for myself because I have abused my body so badly. I need to take off these extra luggage, disfiguring my mind, body and soul.
I read somewhere today that, “Nobody wants it more than yourself.” If I want it, I gotta make it happen.”
Yes, I do want it….and I want it so badly!
But it is just three days of a long haul! I hope I can make it through this week, then start off my Master Cleanse next week. That aint gonna be easy, either. I dread thinking about the “Sea-salt wash”, the yuckiest concoction I ever consumed! I am not sure, if I can do it for all the weeks [I am not gonna tell you how many weeks I am doing the fast], but I will try.
Hopefully, all this starvation will be worth it…and I can keep up afterwards. It is all about self-control. I hope I will control my eating, and throw away food when I have to, or my head will agree to freeze it [even though I do not like freezing my cooked meals so much].
But, I want to fall in love with the body I run in, again. I want to feel myself, not a tired cow, a frumpy country mom or thunder thighs I want to bring my body I want to fit perfectly into my clothes, without a concern for the front and back bumps.
Anyway, time to move my brain elsewhere, away from mourning over food.
Adios Day Three