I am saying Goodbye starting immediately. I do not need you! I have never needed you! I am going on a Diet.
Before you say,
1) What do you wanna lose, bones?
Well, what the scale and my eyes see, don’t lie.
2) But you look great just the way you are!
That’s your opinion, which [or not so fit] of my clothes lets me feel and know otherwise.
3) But diets don’t work!
Again, so you think! It has worked for me before! And I am gonna do what I know best.
Yes, I have dieted before, and my kind of dieting helps get me back into my comfortable body shape, and healthy mind and soul.
Then again, “Why I am making a public statement about my dieting to lose weight?” you may ask.
Perhaps then, I will be accountable to not just myself, but the watching public. I will probably not go vainly, posting every inch I lose onto Instagram. But at the back of my head, in my face and mouth, I will remember there is a world out there watching me, and waiting to see those 12 pounds drop off one after the other. Plus, nobody I encounter is not gonna make me eat, knowing I am on a diet.
You see, I am a social eater; I eat because others are eating, and because I do not want to throw away food, “It is not good for the environment or a humane caring society”…[ blah blah blah].
Once I told my son, “You have to eat all your food because there are plenty of people in the world without food.” His response, “If they do not have food, give them mine.”
I wish it was that easy, son….I wish it was that easy!
Instead, I am the depository of everyone else’s food. I eat because I have to feed Child of Mine. I eat when others offer me food, even when I am not hungry. I eat because the kids I am feeding do not eat all their food, and I do not want it thrown in the garbage. Then I eat perhaps because I am worried the food will go bad, if it is not consumed in an ample period [a week for leftovers is too much!]
Even though I typically cook for one child, I have the tendency to make more than one meal. But COM does not usually want to eat the same food the day after, unless of course it is his special treat….one of those specials like Mac & Cheese, “the yummy peanut stew and white stuff”, or our newly-found Malanga Coco. How he loves that! How scared I am to make them now, when I am fasting!
But give him ‘shrooms’ or onions or stuff like that, and I will have to wipe his plate clean, in my spirit of “saving the planet.” And since I do not want to force all of my eating preferences on COM, sometimes I buy him some “special treats”, like honey to drop in his tea, Mac & Cheese, Icy’s, Hot Dogs, and waffles. Once in a while a slice of pizza!
I am not a bread person, though I may partake of a waffle or my homemade pancakes. And, may I dare say, tempt a slice of pizza, to ‘hang with him’!
Interestingly, all these foods used to be “no-go” for me, back when life was still about me, and I kept a very vegetable and fruits diet! I now console myself that, “They are all “O”rganic, certified NON GMO, or gluten-free and vegetarian! But calories don’t lie!
And calories really loved me, especially in the summer when I have more than one mouth to feed While many bodies are “bikini-” and “beach-ready”, mine is a fat suit! COM’s cousins usually come over and spend the entire summer with us. So, I cook for the clan, around the clock, feeding them, and partake [un] willingly and uncontrollably.
I make popcorn, and eat with the kids, cut watermelon, and eat with the kids, make hotdogs, and tempt myself to eat half or one, with the kids. Snack, lunch and dinner for the kids with the kids.
Moreover, I take on the responsibility of “wiping the plates clean” of all the kids’ unfinished food. My tongue enjoys it all, but my body suffers tremendously. While my children are happy that I saved them of their food, my gut keeps shifting outward [I can feel it], as my soul shifts into sadness. Alas!
I am now saying, no more, no more no more! I know it is hard, very hard to say no, and stay on a diet while the central feature in the kitchen! Trust me, I have tried a couple of times, then retreated to “happy eating”.
It was much easier when I was single, without Child of Mine. Now I have a constant mouth to feed and have meals with.
And how can I make meals and not taste the food for the spice, the temperature, or if it is [under]cooked? I am a real Muganda; my eyes are in my mouth [Is that the saying…?:)…].
I have been officially certified as the best chef in the world, by my household. I turn simple ingredients into magical meals! All the works of my hand taste golden in the consuming mouths. I am the one to beat, when it comes to cooking from scratch. Name anything, I’ll hook you up.
So here I am, on Day One. Watching, as COM eats the corn I just popped. Our favorite snack! But I cannot have any of it. He even tried to share with me his fruit pop, but I had to tell him that I am on diet.
Then, I had to make him dinner, with my favorite ingredients, mushrooms, purple onion, scallions and garlic. Oh I am so hungry! But I had to keep drinking the water, with lemon and ginger.
All I consumed was my lemon and ginger water, Lemon and Ginger Water…and More Lemon and Ginger Water. Ok, it’s about time I went to bed…If I can fall asleep!
This first week, I am just gonna do water, lemon and ginger. Next week, I will start on the Master Cleanse. Yes! It worked for me when I did it…I was single..But I like it, because it is a cleanse-dieting, that drains out all the crappy foods from the system.
I have been abusing my body for a while; I need to put my act together. Strategically now, after running my last marathon of the year, when I do not have to consume extra calories to fuel my body. I don’t care that winter is coming, I will fuel it with a large coat! Don’t need the extra energy now, though I will keep exercising.
Master Cleanse, here we come! The Cayenne Pepper, Lemons, Maple Syrup Grade B, and water, will get a little sugar injected into the system for energy, Cleaner than consuming water, lemon and honey. Add to that, the “sea salt flush” every morning, the extra cleanser of impurities from the system.
So, watch me as I go 12 pounds down!
And I will finally happily say,