Are we all “the marriage-type”?

Doreen-LwangaWhen you live in a “wedding country” like Uganda, you begin to wonder whether, contrary to your clueless head, you in fact did not know that you are a “bride in waiting”! Sometimes your cold feet drop, and you catch “cold fevers”. You worry if you are the only person who is going to stay single for the rest of your life. After all, even your single friends love to talk about marriage, attend weddings, date married men and believe that “to be a part of ‘normal’ society, you have to get married”.

In the past three days, the subject of marriage has hit me into discomfort, with the impending wedding of Prince David Kintu Wasajja, brother to Kabaka Ronald Muwenda Mutebi II and last born child of the late Kabaka Muteesa II. I am a self-confessed, “I am not the marriage-type”! In fact, I hate weddings and do not do weddings –as a bride or guest-please do not invite me. I also believe that I cannot star as a cast or extra in a wedding film. I sort of have this fear that a wedding is the ultimate speedway to losing an intimate relationship.

And being among married couples in Uganda fortifies my belief. I wonder why they go to church or mosque, make vows of in sickness and health –you are the only one for me –then pile onto that relationship another two or three girl/boyfriends with barefaced shame! A married man with girlfriends or mistresses or “side dishes” as they are referred to here in Uganda seems socially sanctioned, as much as a single woman dating a married man. Barely any friends or relatives throw a fit over it, except when the “First Wives Club” folds its fist to move a law regulating Marriage & Divorce, through Uganda Parliament (but that is a story I will tell you soon).

I love commitment relationships though, till death doeth us apart. Though, I wonder if my self-confessed “I am not the marriage-type” stands in my way of a perfect commitment intimate relationship. I once read somewhere [not in the bible] that, whatever you confess or wish for yourself comes to haunt you and shape your life. But I often try not to think about it as an explanation to why I am still single in my adult life.

Then, why I am even bothered by the marriage of Prince Wasajja? No! I was not expecting him to ask for my hand in marriage. Matter of fact, I have never looked at him “twice”, with all the opportunities I have to see him every week. You see, we belong to the same running group – the Kampala Hash House Harriers (KH3), which meets every Monday at a different location in and around Kampala to run socially. I know some may cringe at the association of a Prince with The Hash. We are the self-ascribe Drinkers with a running problem, but who also go on to run 42 km in competitive marathons, 7 “hard knock” Hills of Kampala February, and Kampala-Jinja Relay every July. We do all competitive and charity runs around Kampala, some of which we have won. We just believe that beer is a better hydrant and energy boost for running than waterJ

Being in the middle of my “social group wedding”, since Prince Wasajja belongs to us -hashers, I have had the honor of being privy to all wedding preparations right from the first wedding back in December 2012, which some would like to conveniently refer to as “Introduction Ceremony” or “Traditional wedding”, when the bride Marion Nankya officially revealed her groom to her family. Plus, I am the communication guru for my running group, which puts me at the center of receiving and disseminating information about KH3 activities. I have had to communicate back and forth KH3 invitations to the many Bachelor parties and church wedding for Prince Wasajja. I have also gained access to plenty of “behind the scene gossip” on wedding preparations. Moreover, Rubaga Cathedral in my hometown is where Prince Wasajja gets married on Saturday, April 27, 2013. So, as I sneaked away at seven O’clock in the morning to go to work, I caught a glimpse of what looked like wedding preparations in the neighborhood. There, reality hit me real hard.

If a happy, jovial, carefree, meek and happy bachelor Prince Wasajja can bow to societal pressure to get married, do I need to conform to societal pressure and “make myself marriage material”, whatever that means? Should I throw away my favorite Tyler Perry DVD of Why did I get married and Glen Campbell’s A Case Against Marriage? Does this mean there is a Mr. Right for me and for all the Single girls out there? I went ahead and asked Are we all “the marriage-type”?


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